No Other Gods Before Me

I'd like to echo my good friend, Jackie's, plea to Corporate America: Is it too late to ask you to release the hold you've taken upon my soul?  While it seems larger than life and more powerful than any one person, perhaps I have more strength than I realize to turn and forge a path to simpler times.

I am a responsible person, for the most part.  I'm imperfect yet perfectionistic.  I am loyal where there is no reciprocity.  I'd rather break my own heart than be the cause of someone else's heartbreak.  I spend less than I earn and saving is second nature to me.  I do my best to speak the truth in love.  I know no other way to live that isn't madness.  However, the way I live is driving me to lunacy.  I must come to know a better way.

The first of the ten (10) commandments the Lord wrote on Moses' stone tablets was, "Thou shalt have no other Gods before me."  I never wanted to be a part of Corporate America.  I lack the desire and I would like nothing more than to avoid ladder-climbing competition with others.  I thought I might someday become a small-time receptionist because my mom worked as one for several years.  I honestly thought I would be married by age nineteen or twenty and I would spend my days as a mother and wife.  I wanted that life, not this life.

Because "that" life did not happen as I expected it would, I have been given many opportunities.  Some I wanted but never expected and some I neither asked for nor thought would ever come to pass.  This is the essence of life.  Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.  With every choice, there comes a consequence.  Because I have had to make choices that came in a part of life I never thought I would experience, I don't believe I have done as well as I could have.

I initially moved forward in the single, corporate world I live in only because I thought of it as an investment for the future.  Unexpected things happen in life and I could lose my husband (I'm for sure getting one, right?) and find myself in need of supporting myself and a family.  I wanted education and experience that would enable me to do so without having to seek out several minimum-wage jobs at once.  With that in mind, I took those steps into the corporate world of which I never wanted to be a part.

I am a very dedicated person and I own my responsibilities.  I work to accomplish the goal because I have a deep sense of dependability - I don't want to let down those who depend on me to get something done.  It is this character trait, probably above all others, that has gotten me to where I am; in both the good sense and bad.  I benefit from a secure job in these times of economic hardship, however, I am suffering from a deeper sense of obligation toward my job than to taking care of myself.

This week, I probably put in 50+ hours of work, including at least 7 hours at the office on my usual day off.  Two days in a row, I arrived earlier and left later than anyone else in my department.  It has gotten to the point where my coworkers tell me when it's time for me to go home; they count down the minutes.  I rarely go when the timer is up.  This may be small beans compared to others, but I'm my only real competition, so let them do as they will.

I used to think that it all came out in the wash because where I spent a few extra hours here, I would shave off a couple there.  I realized last night and today that I have been wrong.  I sacrifice more of my personal time to my company than compensation I receive from it.  Such a lifestyle hurts both coming and going.  I thought my choices were either keep my time for me and fret over things at work that were left undone or give up some of my time to get a little more work done and give myself some more peace of mind.  Either way leads me to madness, and I've learned that is not the limit of my choice in the matter.

I thought it was a conscious choice for a person to put other gods before the Lord.  I thought one would have to purposefully abandon Him to go after some other.  Again, I was mistaken. Constant focus is apparently more a factor in reaching a goal than I realized.  They say, "keep your eye on the ball" to connect with it more often.  I say the same goes for life and eternity.  It was not my intention to sacrifice my peace of mind when I set out to create a secure life for the future, yet I have less peace of mind now than when I began.  This is because in searching for the best path ahead, I lost sight of my ultimate goal.  My eyes have shifted because of trying to plan for and react to the unpredictable nature of life instead of forging ahead "with an eye single to the glory of God."

I'm choosing today to take a step closer to Walden; to take a deep breath and retrain my mind and spirit.  I will take time to do the most important things and rest in the assurance that I get done all I can for Corporate America, even though I don't get all done.  I'm still a responsible person; I am still loyal, dependable and all those other good things, but better still, I am putting first things first and letting go of what doesn't belong.  This ol' Jukebox is going to get back to playing the classic 45's in the midst of the encircling MP3's and streaming audio.  It's gonna be great!

It's Decision Time!

There were two brothers who lived in very similar circumstances. Both were of royal lineage and had fantastic opportunities before them. There was a moment of crucial decision that came when the subject of agency arose in the grand council in heaven. One brother offered a way to make every soul succeed and return back to the Father - they just wouldn't have any other choice. The other offered up Himself to follow the Plan created by the Father and be the Savior of all the souls who willingly chose to follow that plan back to the Father - as well as allowing those who chose other paths do as they will, even if it led them to eternal sorrow.

Because of their respective decisions made in relation to this key point, one brother fell from heaven and became adversary to all that is good and all that creates lasting happiness. The other Brother kept His eye on the big picture and suffered for everyone's short-comings and willful sins so that all who truly desire it and work as best they can to be like the Father will be covered by His grace and will be welcomed Home. Each had incredible potential, and each made different decisions that made all the difference.

You and I make decisions every day. We make choices that may not make a difference in the long-run and we make choices that could make or break our eternal destination. Choices are like rope: if you choose one end of a given rope, you can't decide to have the other end of some other rope and have them meet up. Life is not like a sitcom or movie - you can't mold the story to end your way regardless of what happens in the middle. You can't do bicep curls and expect them to tone your glutes; you can't eat garlic and expect your breath to smell like peppermint; you can't buy a chicken egg and expect a cow to hatch; and you can't take just any ol' path and expect to get back Home.

C.S. Lewis wrote many profound things, but one thing that has always stuck with me is found in The Magician's Nephew. It's near the end, when Diggory has successfully collected the apple and witnessed the Witch steal one and eat it - even though the warning said, "Come in by the gold gates or not at all, Take of my fruit for others or forbear, For those who steal or those who climb my wall Shall find their heart's desire and find despair." They were confused when Aslan planted it and said it would protect Narnia from the Witch because she so enjoyed the apple she ate on the hill, and they asked Aslan if there hadn't been some mistake about the warning - if he hadn't made some mistake about her despising the apples of the new tree.

He clarified for them and said, "Child. . . that is why all the rest are now a horror to her. That is what happens to those who pluck and eat fruits at the wrong time and in the wrong way. The fruit is good, but they loathe it ever after." And speaking of her receiving the long youth and beauty the fruit offered, he said she would receive what the fruit offered, but "length of days with an evil heart is only length of misery and already she begins to know it. All get what they want; they do not always like it."

I guess, to make this blog a little less than a novel, I've been more aware as of late regarding decisions in my life. I try to take a moment to think about it and ask myself, "will this bring me closer to God, or will it distance me from Him?" Then I act accordingly. No one is perfect at every moment, but if you take a moment to think before you act, you can make a perfect decision here and there throughout the day. When you have gotten into the habit of making some of the same perfect decisions, you'll have to think about it less and less and you'll eventually act perfectly - one thing at a time. At the very least, you'll be growing closer and closer to God, and when you see Him (as all of us will, at the final judgement) you'll be very much like Him and like Jesus Christ and you'll be welcomed into their presence - and be at peace there.

So, there's a tip of an iceberg thought my mind has been chewing on lately. I'm sure it will be better developed as time goes on and I practice it more consciously.