I'm breathing calmly right now. I have just finished helping my room mate with wedding announcement preparations and I'm in a good place. As I think of the overall picture of my life I realize I told a falsehood today. I said I was unhappy overall. As rough as my professional life has been as of late and as rocky and uneventful as my social life has become again. . . . I've really quite a few things about which I am happy.
I was walking back to the office today with one of my attorneys after a lunch that didn't sit with me very well. We discussed life as we are currently experiencing it. We both shared the sentiments we have observed in our respective lives about "taking the next step." Somehow, it seems that there are so many steps we can take having no family to support and having recently finished our respective degrees. We're not tied down to anything in particular, however with so many "next step" possibilities on the horizon, it seems no step can be taken at all.
There's a lot that could be on my horizon, I just have to figure out which direction I should go. I fear I have been taking the path of least resistance and gone with jobs that have "fallen into my lap" without really wondering if there wasn't a different choice I would have rather gone with had I taken the time and made the effort to search it out a bit longer. Flattery is intoxicating and blinding - perhaps that's why it's considered one of the Devil's tools. I find myself jumping into situations before I rightly know what to do with myself there, so long as it doesn't feel wrong for me.
I feel as Kathleen Kelly (You've Got Mail) when she said something to the effect of, "I live a small life. Important, in its own way, yes, but small." And she subsequently wondered if she was doing so because she liked it or because she wasn't brave. I frequently wonder the same thing. I don't aspire to much in the way of a professional career, but I have to wonder if I have been subconsciously avoiding exploring all the options because I may find the right road for me is one I never thought to travel. Like Robert Frost stated, "I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference."
We must be sure to have a goal in mind. As the Cheshire Cat said to a lost Alice who didn't know where she wanted to get to, if you don't know where you want to get to, it doesn't much matter which way you go! Take care lest you wander aimlessly, led by an unseen deviant.
Ever exploring, not yet arrived, I'll leave you for now to go about your day. I have a bit of a life road trip to plan - or at least a method to develop for on-the-road map reading and course charting. What happy work is ours! Have a wonderful day. This has been a rather scatter-brained entry. Phew!
2 comments:
You've done brave things in the past (I'd consider a mission a very brave thing), and I know you have it in you to do more. Ever consider moving out of state? VA (or DC... fairly close to us) would love to have you. :)
Yeah, Jack. I've thought a LOT about it. I've been feeling more and more lately that I'm supposed to be somewhere else. I don't know where, though. I don't know if it's quite the right time either. I'd like to get to my year mark with my current job before I move on. I'll definitely keep your area in mind when moving comes closer.
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